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Surviving Loss During the Holidays
November 29, 2008 2:30 PM
ABC News On Campus reporter Robert Bradfield blogs:
It was three days before Thanksgiving two years ago. Nov. 20, 2006. I remember it like it was yesterday.
After a full day of classes I went back to my dorm room to take a nap. But before I could fall asleep, my dad called. I was dreading it because I knew what he was going to say.
His dad, my grandfather, had died at age 80, three days before Thanksgiving. Our family knew his health was failing. It was only a matter of time, but we had all hoped we could spend one last
holiday together -- one more memory with each other before it was too late. Our entire family on my dad's side had plans to travel to Jacksonville, Fla., and spend the holiday with my grandparents.
My grandfather, whom we called Pepa, was confined to a bed, so asking him to travel was out of the question.
I asked my dad if Thanksgiving was still on and he said yes, even though it was clear this was not going to be a pleasant time for any of us. I left the University of Florida in the morning on Thanksgiving day and arrived at a quiet house where my grandfather had usually greeted me by asking, "How's my favorite grandson?"
I felt uncomfortable. We all felt uncomfortable. But we all had each other. I felt thankful, not only for the 20 years I had with my grandfather, but for time spent with the ones I love most at a moment when we all needed reassurance that everything was going to be OK.
Fast forward two years: Thanksgiving 2008. My grandmother had sold the house where great memories were made and heartbreak lingered.
Things were different this time. She now lives alone, except for her dog and cat. It was her first Thanksgiving in a new apartment. My grandparents on my mother's side came to visit, as did my sister's fiance. Unlike two years ago, there was laughter, and jokes, at the dinner table. We were smiling instead of holding back tears or tying to find the right things to say. We had moved on, and for that, I am thankful because it's what my grandfather would have wanted.
November 29, 2008 | Permalink | Share | User Comments (3)
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I remember loving Christmas, it was the best time of year...until my grandmother died on Dec 17 when I was in jr high....Christmas was forever changed for me. Loss during a holiday or any other important date is tougher to deal with because you forever associate the death with that date. I am glad to see that you can move on some, it will always be there...always...but you adjust and sometimes even pretend, but you make it if not for you then those around you.
Posted by: samhiguchi | Nov 29, 2008 2:58:40 PM
My father died Christmas morning five years ago. My grandmother died New Year's Eve, and my beloved dog died the day before my birthday. As tragic as all of their deaths were, I now think of them on those special days with great love and lots of wonderful memories. They apparently didn't want to be forgotten!
Posted by: LEPBTV | Nov 29, 2008 4:49:25 PM
on nov 26 06 my youngest son passed on. his b day was dec 3rd. there isnt much to say, except that at this time of year i really just look forward to december 26. i have an 'unholiday' holiday. so far, i dont believe you ever get better when its your child.
peace out.
Posted by: marianne | Nov 30, 2008 6:55:30 AM
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