Dating, Intimacy, and Then the Guy Disappears!

Dear Liz, I've been dating this guy for two months now and it's been lovely: chemistry off the charts. The feelings seemed to be mutual and we decided to become sexually involved a couple of weeks ago. All went well, but the Monday after, he started treating me like his good buddy instead of a girl he's dating. Thought it was my imagination, but now he's no longer calling nor answering my calls. What happened?! And how do I ask him what's up with the least amount of awkwardness and seeming desperation? Please help.

Julia: Marietta / GA

Hi Julia,

Not a fun situation, sorry to hear it, my honest advice? Don’t say a word. You have to look at the cold reality of this situation. I think the most authentic communication is in what people do rather than what they say. I hate to write this but it definitely sounds like….he’s just not that into you.

To try and guess the "why" of his sudden turn is an exercise in total frustration, don’t do it. It most likely has so much more to do with him than you. If you really care about him and feel you want some sort of explanation, then find a way to run into him, and face it head on. I’d rather you not try and call and have him ignore your calls. So again if you must, find him and ask him point blank what happened. He may say he’s been busy, he may say sorry it's me not you. Whatever he says, I doubt it will be as powerful and truthful as the cutting off of communication he’s doing right now.

Something else to ponder…sometimes people flip out after having sex for the first time. There are a million reasons for this, most having to do solely with the person flipping out. My take is this, consider him unavailable to move this to the next level. Have no expectations and move on. If he comes around later, you can take that in stride. If he wants you as his friend that is something you need to think about and decide upon. He is running before you have even started to chase, so think carefully. And remember Julia, most likely how ever you choose to handle this with him it’s not going to change what already is. So do what works for you, with no agenda other than taking care of you!

I hope this helps!


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