Step-Daughter Over-Staying Her Welcome

Dear Liz, How do I tell my husband’s daughter that she is not a good guest? My husband works in Afghanistan and only comes home three weeks a year. He was coming home on a Saturday and his daughter came over the Wednesday before under the pretense of helping me clean house. She comes in the house, puts her stuff in the bedroom, and then naps until 7 p.m. She gets up and then plays World of Warcraft until 4 in the morning. She does this every day for 16 days. She said she wanted to spend time with her father, yet she sleeps all day and games all night. My husband left on a Saturday. She left the day before and gave me only one night alone with him. She does not help around the house. My husband will be home again this Saturday, only for one night, then Sunday he is back to Afghanistan. She wants to come over on Thursday. How do I tell her not to come over without hurting her feelings? She is 23 yrs old and has her own place. Any advice would be a great help. Thank you Patti


Hi Patti-

Wow, this is tough. You are a saint for not having said something to your stepdaughter about her abhorrent behavior thus far.

I think you should call her and tell her that you have a really special evening planned for her dad and yourself, and since he’s only home one night might she understand that you’d really like some privacy. It might be difficult to say, but it’s entirely understandable and I don’t think she could argue it. Look at what she does when she visits him?

I understand the fragile dynamic with a stepdaughter relationship, but I do indeed feel it is reasonable to ask her not to join you on this one evening!!!

I hope this helps. Stay strong and good luck.


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