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Power, pop, and probings from ABC News Senior National Correspondent Jake Tapper

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Hostage Crisis, Day 2

August 15, 2006 5:42 PM

Once again, I report to you -- regrettably -- that the US Airways militants continue to hold my beloved blue bag hostage, with no word of when they will return it or any of the other thousands of bags it has decided to kidnap.

Blue-ie was last seen on Sunday in Philadelphia, when the extremists at US Airways forced me to turn him over. They promised to return him to me in Toronto.

Two days have passed since then, with a scary computer-automated voice "named" Alex, and some poor schlub in Guatemala being the only ones to tell me that, yes, Blue-ie will return to my side some day…though they still do not know his whereabouts.

Is he in Mosul? Brasile? A "Usual Suspects"-esque tanker?

Today I phoned the Senior Vice President of Communications for US Airways, Elise Eberwein, to see what on earth I could possibly do to get Blue-ie back to me.

She seemed like an airline "moderate" with whom perhaps I could negotiate, someone who might be reasonable.

After all, she looked pleasant enough and in a newspaper called the East Valley Tribune offered some advice to readers (CLICK HERE) that didn't make much sense but involved her putting on a stinky wrinkled white shirt because that's what the "rules" required her to do. (Lesson -- be yourself!! Awesome advice, Elise!)

But like so many before her, the Senior Vice President of Communications begged off communicating…she refused to acknowledge any connection to the thugs who have stolen my beloved bag. She wouldn't take the call, or return it.

I am still at the mercy of the midnight bandits, the militants who operate within US Airways with the tactit approval of US Airways corportate governance.

I will continue to keep you updates as the hostage crisis continues.

jt

August 15, 2006 | Permalink | User Comments (5)

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I only hope that Blue-ie isn't being mistreated in the hands of her captors *shudders*

Posted by: cordelia525 | Aug 16, 2006 8:47:40 AM

Lieberman (Lieberman for Lieberman-CT) and Cheney (R-Haliburton) agree that your bag's disappearance can be tied directly to the Lamont victory.

Posted by: DKNY | Aug 16, 2006 8:38:42 AM

Jake, in your time of overwhelming sorrow, please know that I truly feel your pain about your friend who is missing-in-action, and I hope that he/she/it is returned soon. From what you've described so far, I suspect that unnamed terrorists for the secretive Duffel Liberation Front (DLF) kidnapped Blue-ie. Since this terrorist organization is loosely affiliated with Hezbollah, I suspect Blue-ie was abducted in the hours just before the cease-fire so they could have some leverage in future negotiations. I only hope that your laptop doesn't have the names, social security numbers, and addresses of ABC News employees on it; otherwise, someone will mistake you for a government employee working on a "security project" whose laptop has been stolen or gone missing. What a cruel fate!

Posted by: chuck | Aug 16, 2006 8:18:47 AM

funny ... LOL ... an airline moderate ... that's making me laugh, it will be hard to keep a straight face going through airport security in a few days ... they'll take my bottle of after shave if I'm not careful, maybe a demolition team will "explode" it ... the friggin' Keystone Kops are protecting our nation, doesn't Chertoff look like some high school dropout from the Bronx, it is expensive at $300 billion a year, but at least its funny

Then 50 real terrorists will just walk in through some unlocked door that some fat exhausted Keystone Kop left open because she was busy searching old ladies underwear

The terrorists will just give up - say, "you folks are so f*ed up I don't even want to blow you up." Maybe that's our play, act so ridiculous that they feel sympathy, hmmm maybe that's the crazy like a fox plan, why Bush is acting like some recovering alcoholic crazy you would meet in the park, spouting his World War III conspiracy theory, the whole world is out to get him because he loves freedom - they must hate freedom, those dictator/insurgent/dead-ender/terrorist/Chavez/Castro/fascist whatevers that he is asking to bomb this week.

Posted by: Sharn Cedar | Aug 15, 2006 7:14:04 PM

my thoughts and prayers are with blue-ie

Posted by: crazyvirgo | Aug 15, 2006 6:57:59 PM

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