Political Punch

Fellow Martians, I have been delinquent in filing my reports. I have no excuse other than to say that its hard work monitoring world events on earth - a very confusing place...

Latest Events:

The earthlings saw fit recently to require one of the leading contenders for the presidency of the most powerful nation on their strange planet to give a speech about his religious beliefs. This is because many inhabitants of USA think that Mormonism may be a cult because it is based on the belief that 150 years ago their prophet found a set of golden tablets in Binghamton NY which were put there by God for him to find. Apparently this is considered cultish and perhaps irrational by the majority of Americans who believe that God actually sent his son to earth through an immaculate conception and then when he was killed resurrected him to show them the path (or something like that). Apparently if something is supposed to have happened 2000 years ago most earthlings think its real but if it supposedly happened more recently then most do not. This is a difficult distinction for Martians to grasp because based on our time perspective there is very little difference between 2000 years ago and 150 years ago - thus to us both group's ideas seem equally plausible or not depending upon whether you are a believer Martian or an atheist Martian.

This Mitt person made his case that his beliefs are so close to the other people's beliefs that the other people no longer care about the golden tablets in Binghamton thing and because he has such great hair and square jaw (and has been married only once and did not use local police to escort him to his girlfriend's house in an exclusive region of earth called "The Hamptons") he is now likely to run against either Hillary or Obama. What is interesting about that is that its is a known fact that in order to win the general election one candidate has to have some votes from the other party. While Hillary will probably get the most votes among Democrats some believe that not a single Republican will vote for her whereas some would vote for Obama (these beliefs can quickly become facts on earth due to something that the earthlings do every five minutes - its called polling and those polls say that all Republicans (and even some Democrats) would sooner eat live worms than vote for Hillary - to a large extent the reason for this is that her husband does not know what the meaning of is is and Hillary did not explain it to him).

Thus, some Democrat earthlings now believe that Obama is more electable than Hillary in a run against Mitt.

All will be known soon because on earth the two main candidates for president are selected at house parties in a rural state. People show up at their neighbor's house and stand in a corner of the living room with each corner designated as a particular candidates corner. If any corner does not have at least 15% of the people at the house party then that candidate's people have to go to one of the other corners. This is known as "the second choice thing that happens in Iowa". Because of the polling mentioned earlier in this report it is known that Obama and Hilary will each get at least 15% of the party goers. Polls indicate that the second choice for almost everyone who is not in favor of either Edwards, Hillary or Obama (for example supporters of our Martian manchurian candidate, Dennis Kucinich) will pick either Edwards or Obama as their second choice and that none will pick Hillary as their second choice. When the earthlings figured this out our monitoring of their private conversations and e mails (made easier for us now since all we have to do is tap into the Patriot Act central switchboard) indicates that almost every earthling has said at least once in the last two weeks "Hilary is not inevitable".

Also of note this week: The earthlings have experimented with different political systems. The most successful so far appears to be something they call democracy. In order to make sure democracy lasts they have a constitution which is kind of like the golden tablets in Binghamton except it was written by people - most of whom, interestingly, were in their 20's when they wrote it except for one, Ben Franklin, who was the only old guy in the group. Anyway, in order to protect this democracy there has to be some spying on the various groups and individuals who wish to undermine the democracy. Sometimes the spys even do things that the Constitution does not permit such as destroying video taped evidence. The earthlings often hold something they call hearings about these things. They may have hearings about the video tapes in question and I will report back on the results.

Until my next report - greetings from sunny earth (weather report - increasing warming).