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"Gird Your Loins! By the Beard of Jupiter, Gird Your Loins!"

October 26, 2008 10:52 AM

Funny stuff from SNL last night....

C-SPAN VOICEOVER – "Next, on "Road to the White House": earlier today, Democratic Vice Presidential candidate Joe Biden and congressman John Murtha spoke at a rally in Johnstown, Pennsylvania, where they attempted to blow the election for Senator Obama.

DARRELL HAMMOND AS REPRESENTATIVE JOHN MURTHA – "How's everybody doin' today? Now before we get started, I want to clear the air about something I said last week, when I suggested that the good people here in Western Pennsylvania are racist. That's not at all what I meant to say. It's more that they're ignorant, and they don't know any better. Especially your older ones. They're just bone ignorant. It's like someone said earlier in the campaign -- I don't remember who -- that they cling to guns and religion, because they feel threatened. And that's so true."

JASON SUDEIKIS AS SENATOR JOE BIDEN – "Alright, Jack..."

HAMMOND AS REP. MURTHA – "I couldn't say it any better myself. But enough from me, I'm gonna hand this over to a guy you all know, the next Vice President of the United States, Joe Biden!"

SUDEIKIS AS SEN. BIDEN – "Thanks, Jack. Congressman Jack Murtha, everybody! Let me tell you something, Johnstown! Two weeks from now, with the help of the people of Western Pennsylvania, we're going to elect a new President. President Barack Obama! (NOTICING SOMEONE IN CROWD) And I see we've got Pete Harrigan here today! Stand up, Pete! Good to see ya!  And let me tell you something else. And listen to me well. As sure as I'm standing here today, during his first few weeks in office, this brilliant young President, is going to be tested. Tested by an international crisis, the likes of which this nation has never before seen. A deliberately manufactured crisis, designed to test his mettle. Now, in this crisis, he will have to make decisions. Decisions that may at first, to the casual observer, seem ill considered. Our military may invade Pakistan. Or surrender to the Chinese. We may sell Hawaii to Saudi Arabia. Or just destroy it, so it can't fall into North Korean hands. But just reserve your judgment. We know what we're doin'. (NOTICING SOMEONE ELSE IN THE CROWD) Hey! Mickey Doyle! County Treasurer How ya doin?

HAMMOND AS REP. MURTHA – "If I could say something here. Earlier, what I said about Western Pennsylvania being ignorant. I was misquoted. I meant more, 'backward.' Your people out here just don't understand the modern world. 'Cause they're uneducated, and they don't have radios or that kind of thing. Also, they're racists."

SUDEIKIS AS SEN. BIDEN – "Mark my words. If you take away nothing else from what I say here today, or indeed, in this entire campaign, remember this. If Barack Obama is elected, we will have a crisis. And when this crisis hits, and it will, in the second week of February, we may do some weird things. We may cede Florida back to Spain, or Alaska to the Russians. We may blow up every nuclear power plant in the country. We may set fire to Washington D.C.. We may round up all French-Canadians. But don't lose faith. It's all part of a plan. (SEES SOMEONE ELSE IN THE CROWD) Hey! There's Pat Reardon, a great assistant D.A. here in Greene County! Good to see ya, Pat!"

HAMMOND AS REP. MURTHA – "If I could, I want to say one more thing about the people of Western Pennsylvania. Has anyone here ever seen a movie called 'Deliverance?' No? Never mind, then."

SUDEIKIS AS SEN. BIDEN -- "I'm going to say something else now, and I want you to mark well the words that I say. And remember that I said them here today. In the second year of the Presidency of Barack Obama, a young child shall come from out of the North, from a city of steel. And this child shall rule for a time. But the child shall rule falsely. In deceit. By the trident of Neptune, what I have spoken is the truth."

HAMMOND AS REP. MURTHA – "Joe, do you think this 'child' could be one of them Palin kids?"

SUDEIKIS AS SEN. BIDEN – "Be silent. Mark well, as I stand here today, the Time of Trouble shall last one year, one month, one day, one hour and one minute. (SPOTS SOMEONE IN CROWD) Hey Phil! How ya doin'? Phil Malloy, head of the Steel Workers Local. But at the appointed hour, the Time of Trouble shall end. And peace shall come to this land for one hundred years. The mouse shall bell the cat, the lamb shall lead the lion, the poor and ignorant shall know wisdom and plenty."

HAMMOND AS REP. MURTHA – "You hear that, Western Pennsylvania? That'll be your time!" What happens after the one hundred years?

SUDEIKIS AS SEN. BIDEN -- Beware the man with one sandal. He who is not of woman born. That is all I can reveal. The rest is classified.

HAMMOND AS REP. MURTHA – "Fair enough. You got that, people? Keep an eye out for a guy with one sandal, who's maybe a robot, or a test-tube baby or some kind of deal like that. But if you spot him, don't, you know, try to handle it yourself. Call the proper authorities!"

SUDEIKIS AS SEN. BIDEN – "Gird your loins! By the beard of Jupiter, gird your loins!"

HAMMOND AS REP. MURTHA – "I think my loins are okay. I was just at the doctor."

SUDEIKIS AS SEN. BIDEN – "Good, good. As it has been spoken, so shall it come to pass. (SEES SOMEONE IN CROWD) Hey! Andy Brennan's here! One of our great county board members out in Fayette. Good to see ya, Andy."

C-SPAN VOICEOVER – "We will now leave this event, and go to an Obama/Biden rally in Kansas City, Missouri, where former President Clinton is about to spend two hours recounting the achievements of his Administration, before he forgets to mention the Democratic candidate."

SUDEIKIS AS BIDEN – "And one more thing, Live From New York, it's Saturday Night!"

**

Another skit -- the Barack Obama Variety Half-Hour

Hat tip, Politico's Mike Allen

-- jpt

October 26, 2008 | Permalink | Share | User Comments (19)

User Comments

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I thought the bit with the Obamas was mildly funny - and not offensive at all. But it's hard to beat Tina Fey - and Sarah Palin may have provided the best copy for comedians in history.

Now, can somebody explain how you spend $22,000 in two weeks on a make-up artist? I wonder how many people died last week for want of medical care.

Posted by: Mara | Oct 26, 2008 6:35:03 PM

That was an extremely funny skit.
Although I was looking forward to Tina Fey.

Posted by: Truth Matters | Oct 26, 2008 6:11:05 PM

People have taslked about the negative tactics of McCain in this campaign. What I wonder if the poll numbers had been reversed and the media a bit more unbiased as a whole what would Obama's campaign been like recently. Anybody think it would have been more negative??

Posted by: A Veteran | Oct 26, 2008 4:47:42 PM

Who's offended? You must be projecting. I'm Obama all the way, and I thought it was really funny. Although I disagree, I thought the part where he completely goes off the rails at the end is the best part. He's sort of rattling off crazy Apocalyptic prophecy and the coming of the Anti-Christ. I love the Murtha interjections, too.

We can laugh at ourselves. I forget who said it, but a great observation is that conservatives tend to employ the "anger and shouting" method of attack, liberals/progressives tend to prefer sarcasm as their form of aggression.

Posted by: Ian Tepoot | Oct 26, 2008 4:25:53 PM

Funny skits! "SNL" is just as good skewering the Dems as it is skewering the Repubs!

Posted by: chuck | Oct 26, 2008 2:32:26 PM

excuse me, what's this about Obama supporters being "up in arms" about these skits? They were funny.

Not as funny as McCain "guaranteeing" a victory on Nov. 4, but the comedians aren't THAT creative.

Posted by: Tungsten | Oct 26, 2008 2:08:55 PM

Loved the interspersed shout-outs to obscure locals; a great Biden impression. Craaaaazy

Posted by: Tungsten | Oct 26, 2008 2:02:45 PM

If Sarah Palin's approval ratings are down, it's the result of the same kind of tactics that were used against Clinton. People believe what they read especially when it's over and over again. Opinions become truth. The media has willingly let themselves be used. Troopergate is a drop in the bucket compared to what others have done. Never fear though, as soon as the unrealistic promises are not kept, the same thing will happen. It's inevitable.

Posted by: RL in Illinois | Oct 26, 2008 1:09:00 PM

Obama just too risky at this time.

Posted by: today | Oct 26, 2008 1:00:09 PM

I think it is hysterical that the lefties on here are so up in arms that their Messiah is finally getting a little knocked by SNL. Wait until next saturday night after the half hour infomercial that preempts the World Series....smart move for PA and FL.

Posted by: JG | Oct 26, 2008 12:59:34 PM

Mike in NC, you're almost right.

"McClatchy reports today that her approval rating in her home state has tumbled to 68% -- still high but surely not the country's best. The poll by a local firm that works for both parties was taken Sept. 20-22. McClatchy writes: "Palin’s popularity has swooned as new information about the local abuse-of-power investigation known as Troopergate has trickled out, and as national and local media pick over her track record as a governor and small-town mayor.

"Palin still has overwhelming support among Alaska Republicans. But many Democrats and independents, who gave her positive marks just a month ago, have changed their views....

"Brad Coker, managing director of Mason-Dixon Polling & Research Inc., said an approval rating in the 60s for a governor is good. His recent polling in six western states found two governors with approval ratings in the low-80s, two in the 60s and one in the 50s."

Also, contrary to McCain's statement that Palin is "overwhelmingly popular" with Americans, in a new survey Pew finds that 51% of Americans now believe that Palin is unqualified, up from 37% after her announcement."

If you have another source, please let me know.

Posted by: Dave in lv | Oct 26, 2008 11:40:58 AM

The opening sketch was funny but got a little too kooky toward the end.

The Obama variety show, on the other hand, was funny all the way through--the cheesy skits felt like I was watching Pink Lady and Jeff.

Posted by: Danny | Oct 26, 2008 11:39:33 AM

It is Sen. Obama who truly promises fundamental change in Washington. You need look no further than the guilt-by-association lies and sound-bite distortions of the degenerating Obama/MSM campaign to see how readily he embraces the divisive, fear-mongering tactics of Karl Marx.

Posted by: Dave in lv | Oct 26, 2008 11:32:41 AM

Captain America

Palin now has a 35% aproval rating!

You 80% number is from Jan 2008 in Sept 2008 she has a 35% aproval rating in Alaska.

Posted by: MIKE NC | Oct 26, 2008 11:28:31 AM

Nice! They missed the point that Obama is trying to make the US a socialist country but other than that they were right on target.

Dem for McCain/Palin- Obama scares the h*ll out of me

Posted by: mark | Oct 26, 2008 11:25:45 AM

The Alaska newspaper must be catering to the 20 percent of all Alaskans who weren't pleased with Gov. Palin.

She has an 80% approval rating as governor. Highest rating of any US governor.

Posted by: Captain America | Oct 26, 2008 11:19:50 AM

Gird your loins! Is gonna be Obama (D-ACORN) top foreign policy adviser. So says ObamACORN during his last debate.

Crazy Joe, potentially one heartbeat away from the presidency. Gird your loins!

Posted by: Captain America | Oct 26, 2008 11:16:25 AM

Ironic, but SNL may have done more to shine the light on the candidates than the MSM.

Posted by: rose | Oct 26, 2008 11:14:46 AM

WOW!!! EVEN THE ALASKA BIGGEST NEWS PAPAER ENDORSED OBAMA!!!!! BYE-BYE-PALIN !!!!


Alaska enters its 50th-anniversary year in the glow of an improbable and highly memorable event: the nomination of Gov. Sarah Palin as the Republican vice presidential candidate. For the first time ever, an Alaskan is making a serious bid for national office, and in doing so she brings broad attention and recognition not only to herself, but also to the state she leads.


Alaska's founders were optimistic people, but even the most farsighted might have been stretched to imagine this scenario. No matter the outcome in November, this election will mark a signal moment in the history of the 49th state. Many Alaskans are proud to see their governor, and their state, so prominent on the national stage.

Gov. Palin's nomination clearly alters the landscape for Alaskans as we survey this race for the presidency -- but it does not overwhelm all other judgment. The election, after all is said and done, is not about Sarah Palin, and our sober view is that her running mate, Sen. John McCain, is the wrong choice for president at this critical time for our nation.

Sen. Barack Obama, the Democratic nominee, brings far more promise to the office. In a time of grave economic crisis, he displays thoughtful analysis, enlists wise counsel and operates with a cool, steady hand. The same cannot be said of Sen. McCain.

Since his early acknowledgement that economic policy is not his strong suit, Sen. McCain has stumbled and fumbled badly in dealing with the accelerating crisis as it emerged. He declared that "the fundamentals of our economy are strong" at 9 a.m. one day and by 11 a.m. was describing an economy in crisis. He is both a longtime advocate of less market regulation and a supporter of the huge taxpayer-funded Wall Street bailout. His behavior in this crisis -- erratic is a kind description -- shows him to be ill-equipped to lead the essential effort of reining in a runaway financial system and setting an anxious nation on course to economic recovery.

Sen. Obama warned regulators and the nation 19 months ago that the subprime lending crisis was a disaster in the making. Sen. McCain backed tighter rules for Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac, but didn't do much to advance that legislation. Of the two candidates, Sen. Obama better understands the mortgage meltdown's root causes and has the judgment and intelligence to shape a solution, as well as the leadership to rally the country behind it. It is easy to look at Sen. Obama and see a return to the smart, bipartisan economic policies of the last Democratic administration in Washington, which left the country with the momentum of growth and a budget surplus that President George Bush has squandered.

On the most important issue of the day, Sen. Obama is a clear choice.

Sen. McCain describes himself as a maverick, by which he seems to mean that he spent 25 years trying unsuccessfully to persuade his own party to follow his bipartisan, centrist lead. Sadly, maverick John McCain didn't show up for the campaign. Instead we have candidate McCain, who embraces the extreme Republican orthodoxy he once resisted and cynically asks Americans to buy for another four years.

It is Sen. Obama who truly promises fundamental change in Washington. You need look no further than the guilt-by-association lies and sound-bite distortions of the degenerating McCain campaign to see how readily he embraces the divisive, fear-mongering tactics of Karl Rove. And while Sen. McCain points to the fragile success of the troop surge in stabilizing conditions in Iraq, it is also plain that he was fundamentally wrong about the more crucial early decisions. Contrary to his assurances, we were not greeted as liberators; it was not a short, easy war; and Americans -- not Iraqi oil -- have had to pay for it. It was Sen. Obama who more clearly saw the danger ahead.

The unqualified endorsement of Sen. Obama by a seasoned, respected soldier and diplomat like Gen. Colin Powell, a Republican icon, should reassure all Americans that the Democratic candidate will pass muster as commander in chief.

On a matter of parochial interest, Sen. Obama opposes the opening of the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge, but so does Sen. McCain. We think both are wrong, and hope a President Obama can be convinced to support environmentally responsible development of that resource.

Gov. Palin has shown the country why she has been so successful in her young political career. Passionate, charismatic and indefatigable, she draws huge crowds and sows excitement in her wake. She has made it clear she's a force to be reckoned with, and you can be sure politicians and political professionals across the country have taken note. Her future, in Alaska and on the national stage, seems certain to be played out in the limelight.

Yet despite her formidable gifts, few who have worked closely with the governor would argue she is truly ready to assume command of the most important, powerful nation on earth. To step in and juggle the demands of an economic meltdown, two deadly wars and a deteriorating climate crisis would stretch the governor beyond her range. Like picking Sen. McCain for president, putting her one 72-year-old heartbeat from the leadership of the free world is just too risky at this time.

Posted by: john | Oct 26, 2008 11:12:08 AM

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