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Uma Thurman Is a Nose Holder
August 14, 2008 12:51 PM
Uma Thurman is a nose-holder.
Thumb to index finger, the actress cautiously clenches the bridge of her nose while jumping into the ocean, presumably to prevent a stream of salt water from flooding her sinuses.
A newly snapped paparrazi shot shows the actress as she leaps from a yacht off the island of Sardinia in the Mediterranean Sea. Her Swiss financier fiance looks on, seemingly unfazed by Thurman's precautionary pose.
Not me, man.
While some readers might have noted how good the 38-year-old, 6-foot starlet looked in her skimpy white two-piece, and others drowned in envy spying on the couple's life of luxury, my takeaway was much more critical of an actress I've traditionally enjoyed.
I say it again: Uma Thurman is a nose-holder.
The same Uma Thurman who has played a superhero (albeit in a romantic comedy opposite Luke Wilson); the Batman villainess Poison Ivy; and an all-around asskicker in Quentin Tarantino's "Kill Bill" series.
The same Uma Thurman who had a raw turn in another Tarantino flick, "Pulp Fiction," as Missus Mia Wallace, where she famously snorted enough of John Travolta's heroin to need an adrenaline shot to survive the shock. No problem putting things up her nose in that role.
Never again will I be fooled by these onscreen alter-egos. Suspension of disbelief is dead. This woman can't execute a pencil dive from a marginal height without the self-imposed fleshy facemask.
I love to swim. Always have. I love diving boards, rope swings, waterslides, and jumping from tall rocks into the ocean. Nose-holding has never been an issue for me. Sure, water has gone up my nose before. Miraculously, I survived.
My bias against nose-holders likely grew out of my sister's inability to jump from the side of the pool without the facial clampdown, and the repeated scoldings that followed from my mother for my incessantly teasing my responsible elder sibling.
I did a little research on the topic and found plenty of online How-To guides for jumping into bodies of water without the nasal security blanket. Simple tips include taking a deep breath before jumping, blowing out of your nose as you submerge and continuing to exhale as you rise to the surface.
I don't know the statistical breakdown -- whether the majority of swimmers around the world (I'm assuming the safety practice is universal) are nose-holders or, instead, people who reinforce the fact that the nose-hold is not only an awkward pose, but an unnecessary one.
In any case Thurman is not alone. There are noseclips available in several colors. But I challenge her, and all of her ilk, to get over the phobia, even as she approaches 40.
I doubt Michael Phelps ever held his nose.
David Schoetz
August 14, 2008 | Permalink | Share | User Comments (70)
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wow...this is a top headline??
Posted by: musicgirlnyc | Aug 14, 2008 1:05:30 PM
It looks like the slightest tug on those strings would, would, oh my.....
Posted by: JR | Aug 14, 2008 1:08:34 PM
REALLY? Someone was so upset Uma held her nose to write an bitchy article about it? Mr. Shoetz GET A LIFE!!!!!!!!
Posted by: Nik | Aug 14, 2008 1:15:33 PM
So?
Posted by: Kitty | Aug 14, 2008 1:16:48 PM
That guy in the background looks like Jason Voorhese.
Posted by: ilk | Aug 14, 2008 1:16:53 PM
what crawled up your butt? get over yourself dude.
Posted by: bentpaperclip | Aug 14, 2008 1:26:20 PM
You have got to be kidding.......................who fricking cares
Posted by: tigger | Aug 14, 2008 1:28:00 PM
I am also a nose holer. Some peoples sinuses are more sensitive than others. I would rather be teased then have a stuffed-up nose all day.
Posted by: TheGrimPilgrim | Aug 14, 2008 1:29:20 PM
I am also a nose holer. Some peoples sinuses are more sensitive than others. I would rather be teased then have a stuffed-up nose all day.
Posted by: TheGrimPilgrim | Aug 14, 2008 1:29:52 PM
Seriously, this is news? Y'all are scaring me. You really are. Spend some time reading about the sorts of sinus infections folks can get as a result of water-logged sinuses. You won't think it's so wimpy. What's wimpy is to make a story out of this. Get some news judgment.
Posted by: kellybelle23 | Aug 14, 2008 1:31:12 PM
This just in: actors who play superheroes in movies are normal people in real life, the shocking story tonight at 11!
Posted by: Mendolus | Aug 14, 2008 1:34:48 PM
I agree, I got a bad infection once, have been a nose holder ever since and I stand by it - I bet Mr. Schoetz has never even been in the water!! :)
Posted by: KG | Aug 14, 2008 1:37:42 PM
who cares....again ABC
Posted by: tigger | Aug 14, 2008 1:37:54 PM
And they pay you how much to write this drivel?
Posted by: Neo Politicus | Aug 14, 2008 1:40:15 PM
Nice rack, but who cares?
Posted by: Ben Straub | Aug 14, 2008 1:44:34 PM
Pretty solid picture though David, looks like the girl in the background likes Uma "more than a friend" :)
Posted by: KG | Aug 14, 2008 1:45:34 PM
The part I find hard to believe is that her fiance appeared "seemingly unfazed" throughout this ordeal. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? I mean, this guy is a playa, right? He had to know what kind of ramifications her actions were bound to have, both at home and abroad. I imagine they're both going to hold a series of press conferences to try to play this thing down a bit, but the damage has already been done if you ask me.
Posted by: Aaron | Aug 14, 2008 1:45:52 PM
The author of this non-news-worthy item should be fired. I agree with the writer that referred this as a "bitchy" article.
Pathetic reporting. You ought to be ashamed. What on earth did Uma ever do to you? Ignore you?
Posted by: Sara | Aug 14, 2008 1:45:58 PM
Why is this in the top headlines on ABC? Hardly newsworthy and the rest of the story is mostly banal. The photo is from an poor angle so it is unclear this really is the actress. Poor management on the part of ABC to post this story.
Posted by: RW | Aug 14, 2008 1:57:22 PM
Oh that's Uma alright - this Mr. Schoetz is probably just obsessed with her - or had a girlfriend dump him who was a nose holder or something. :)
Posted by: KG | Aug 14, 2008 2:03:17 PM
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