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American Gladiators

January 08, 2008 7:16 PM

BRISTOL, Connecticut

On Saturday night, I kicked back on the couch with a bowl of buttery popcorn, and turned my attention to the television, where I was about to witness an all-out battle.  Over the course of four, grueling hours, there were a number of knockout punches, plenty of low-blows, and even a few home-runs thrown in. What kind of sports spectacle was I watching? Boxing? No. Baseball? Not even close. American Gladiators? Mmm..very similar.  I watched the back-to-back presidential debates….which I consider to be the greatest non-contact competition on television. 

Both political parties took part in an intra-squad scrimmage, of sorts. Players on both teams battled it out before a crowd of hundreds…all of whom were crammed inside a chilly college auditorium in New Hampshire. Esteemed journalist Charlie Gibson – of ABC News - played the role of referee. Outside the arena, passionate fans from each team displayed colorful, cardboard signs in support of their favorite candidate. One might even assume there was tailgating in the parking lot…hmm…

From the first pitch, all of the players came out swinging. What started out as congenial conversations between Gibson and each candidate soon turned ugly……ultimately verbal bloodbaths broke out between all of them, much like a bench-clearing brawl between the Red Sox and Yankees.   

From that point on, there was no denying that the race for the White House had begun.

Overall, six republicans, followed by four democrats, took to the stage, all vying for a spot at the top. The front-runners are the all-stars of the team, outplaying anyone and everyone in their path. Without steroids, of course. 

The two democratic front-runners have already become full-fledged rivals. Think Celtics versus Lakers. Hillary Clinton displays the same gritty tenacity and fighting spirit of Larry Bird (although her blonde locks are a bit more coifed than his ever were). While Barack Obama, the new hot-shot on the political scene, oozes charisma and flashes an evervescent smile, much like that of Magic Johnson. Both democrats are giving it their all and are in it to win it, but there’s no mistaking their undeniable differences. 

It’s a similar story on the Republican side of things. Mitt Romney reminds me of Tom Brady. Both Massachusetts men are clean cut, good-looking, dress to impress, and have been extremely successful in their respective careers. Romney’s business exploits made him a millionaire many times over. He even managed to clean up the scandal plagued 2002 Salt Lake City Olympic Games. As for Tom Brady? Three SuperBowls in four years says it all. John McCain, on the other hand, plays the part of a grizzled veteran. He has been a part of the game for so many years, and suffered a slew of injuries along the way. And now he’s battling to become the main man. The head coach.

Much like the sport of figure skating, each candidate’s performance that night was determined by a panel of judges, or political pundits.

At the end of this ten month game called presidential politics, it’s up to the fans, or in this case, American citizens, to determine the final outcome once November rolls around. No doubt, it will be a fight to the finish.

May the best man – or woman – win.

Let’s play ball!

January 8, 2008 | Permalink | User Comments (0)

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